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The 12 Promises
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As a child I grew up quickly.  I had to... it was a matter of survival.  My dad was out of control, my mom was out of control and
they were in control of me.  By the time I was nine I was making meals trying to stop the violence.  By ten I was lying to try and
stop the beatings.  But nothing worked.  I spent most of my life filled with anger and shame because I couldn't fix it.  But the fact
is I was Powerless...
Humor
The 12 Promises of ACOA

1.  We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.
poem   article
2. Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.
poem   article
3. Fear of authority figures and the need to "people-please" will leave us.
poem    article
4. Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.
poem    article
5. As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
poem    article
6. We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
poem    article
7. We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.
poem    article
8. We will chose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
poem    article
9. Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.
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10. Fears of failures and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.
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11. With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.
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12. Gradually, with our Higher Power's help, we learn to expect the best and get it.
poem    article
The Twelve Steps
ACOA has its own 12 Steps and like every other 12 step program it is adapted from the 12 steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous.  But their is another 12 steps, that help the individual regain their life, by becoming their own parents.  
These steps, also adapted from AA, were written by Patricia O'Gorman, Ph.D. and Philip Diaz, M.S.W., as part of their
work with families, women, and youth in recovery.  Click here to visit their website.

Below on the right are these steps and my thoughts on these steps...
Self-Parenting
ACOA
1.  We admitted we were powerless over the effects of
alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives
had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
the care of God as we understand God.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory
of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to our selves, and to another
human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these
defects of character.

7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and
became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever
possible, except when to do so would injure them or
others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and, when
we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve
our conscious contact with God, as we understand
God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us
and the power to carry it out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of
these steps, we tried to carry this message to others
who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all
our affairs.
1 - Admitted our powerlessness to change our past -
that our lives had become unmanageable and became
willing to surrender our love and not to our fear.  link

2 - Find hope in the belief that recovery is possible
through faith and an acceptance of the fact that we are
never really alone. link

3 - Learned to let go of compulsive self-reliance by
reaching out to our Higher Parent. link

4 - Made an honest assessment of our strengths and
weaknesses and accepted the impact our childhood
had upon us as adults. link

5 - Learned to share our self-parenting issues with
others without self-recrimination or shame. link

6 - Become ready to change by giving up the demand
to be perfect.  link

7 - Learned to embrace our uniqueness and
connectedness to others in a spirit of love and humility.
link

8 - Learned self-forgiveness and made amends to our
inner child. link

9 - Healed our inner child by realizing the promises of
self-parenting in our daily life. link

10 - Practiced daily self-acceptance and learned to live
in the present. link

11 - Allowed the divinity in us to shine forth by
surrendering to our Higher Power.  link

12 - Having had this spiritual awakening, we reached
out to others in the spirit of giving, love and community.
link
Growing up in a dysfunctional home...

Left me with a lot of anger and uncertainty about my feelings.  For a number of years I kept my emotions and feelings
buried, but when I quit drinking they needed to come to the surface.  And when they did I had no idea on how to handle
them.  Over time I came to accept my past and even got to a point where I forgave my parents.

But something - spiritually - was still missing.  I needed to give thanks to my Higher Power for giving my parents to me.  
Then I was whole again and ready to re-parent myself.
The poem
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Videos for all the ACOA Promises
The 11th Tradition
We need to play...

The seventh promise of ACOA says We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.  I believe we should never forget
that... have fun and play!  We are never to old to be young again...
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