Creating dreams...
with an article for the month
with an article for the month
Step Nine brings us the honesty we've been looking for...
| home | news | poem of month | article of month | poems | CODA | classics | ramblings | cancer | recovery | veterans | books | sitemap | link back | pass it on | copyright | privacy policy | newsletter | poets quill | contact affiliations | disclaimer last updated on 8/9/2008 |
| Other Sites |
| Books |
| Resources |
| Information |
| CD's |
| Sites of Interest |
| Some of the material on this page belongs to Dave Harm ©Copyright Dave Harm Please read the copyright page for use of this material |
| Surrender no longer are my shoulders strong the pressures have killed me and my fight to move on are all but gone lost in a maze of everyone wanting something and I've got nothing left to give the future seems dark there is no light hope seems to be a dream and reality just a constant nightmare I wish I knew another answer but I don't know what to do can't start crying because I'd never stop the end of life as I know it is nearing an end what tomorrow brings is filled with anxiety but somehow I've got to believe I need to believe it will be better please God... help us |
As a child, more then once I'd get into trouble with a
friend. My parents would lecture us about how we let them
down. Then my friend would make up a story and my folks
believed him. I told the truth about what happened and
was called a lair. It hurt and I began to learn that there
was no value in being honest.
By being a co-dependent I was reliving this past over and
over again. No longer was I trying to make my parents
believe me, now I was trying to believe me.
We’ve been preparing ourselves for this step for awhile.
The first three steps gave us the strength to get this far.
The next five steps gave us the tools to carry it out in a
constructive way.
No more lies or stories. Step Nine would lead us on a path
of total honesty.
A few months back I shared with you my beliefs in
there only being two emotions - love and fear.
The ninth step brings to the forefront these two
powerful forces.
After a lifetime of protecting the secrets, it's
unimaginable to believe we have to apologize for
them. Those secrets kept us trapped, not only
from ourselves and our families, but also our God.
Our co-dependency was built out of fear. Fear of
being abandoned. Being left alone and unloved.
And the more this fear grew the more abandoned
we became. We needed love but not in a healthy
way. We looked at love as a means of identifying
ourselves.
there only being two emotions - love and fear.
The ninth step brings to the forefront these two
powerful forces.
After a lifetime of protecting the secrets, it's
unimaginable to believe we have to apologize for
them. Those secrets kept us trapped, not only
from ourselves and our families, but also our God.
Our co-dependency was built out of fear. Fear of
being abandoned. Being left alone and unloved.
And the more this fear grew the more abandoned
we became. We needed love but not in a healthy
way. We looked at love as a means of identifying
ourselves.
We could not love ourselves or our God, without first having the love of another. We needed it. We were
addicted to it.
We admitted to our problem with the first step. But the ninth step would lead us into a new world. We
would let go of the secrets and the lies. We'd let go of the illusions and the fantasies.
To do this we'd have to make amends to those we had harmed because of our dysfunctional needs. It
actually sounds easy, but it isn't. For the first time, you are taking responsibility for your actions.
Up to this point we were taking responsibility for someone else's actions. For me, this responsibility gave
me a sense of worth. By taking responsibility for someone else's actions I had worth! I had value! I was a
"fine upstanding person, to put up with that!"
Oh yeah, my co-dependency made me the perfect victim. I became a pro at being a martyr. Making
amends isn't about "stabbing someone in the back." It is about valuing yourself and your true worth.
addicted to it.
We admitted to our problem with the first step. But the ninth step would lead us into a new world. We
would let go of the secrets and the lies. We'd let go of the illusions and the fantasies.
To do this we'd have to make amends to those we had harmed because of our dysfunctional needs. It
actually sounds easy, but it isn't. For the first time, you are taking responsibility for your actions.
Up to this point we were taking responsibility for someone else's actions. For me, this responsibility gave
me a sense of worth. By taking responsibility for someone else's actions I had worth! I had value! I was a
"fine upstanding person, to put up with that!"
Oh yeah, my co-dependency made me the perfect victim. I became a pro at being a martyr. Making
amends isn't about "stabbing someone in the back." It is about valuing yourself and your true worth.