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I've been doing some reflections on my past and it just amazes me how much fun I thought I was having.  It was carefree
and at times pretty harmless... but everyday I played these harmless games a little bit more of me was swallowed alive.

The path of recovery is littered with folks that lost their battles to alcoholism and addiction.  From high school car crashes
to overdosing rock and roll stars... we all know someone who lost the battle.

Which makes me grateful for a second chance... as well as humbled wondering why I'm not in the ground
Obsession

followed blindly
never questioning the reason
for what others believed
slowly dying
in a world that wasn't mine

ashamed of the quiet
that surrounded me
while bombs exploded
both around... and inside me
no idea of any truth

eyes saw the destruction
but no one understood
why the soul died
and sadly... no one cared
when I jumped off that cliff

an illusion into a world
where God had no place
anger and rage was the power
that supplied the strength
to play the games... lies and manipulation

alcohol and drugs
just part of the formula
control of others
brought self-worth
an accomplishment of conquest

but along the way
needed more booze... more control...
it was the end of sanity
no longer controlling
just... being controlled
an innocent child
He Smiled

he smiled... an awkward smile
but it was still pretty to see
it had been so long
since it was allowed

the fear left
then he realized
it was OK... to feel good
without guilt

it didn't deal with the shame
that would take time
but right now
he smiled... ear to ear

there was hope
for a brighter tomorrow
and he allowed it to happen
thank God... he smiled
Of Interest
al-anon and alateen
emotions anonymous
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Co-dependents anonymous
The Books
Swallowed Alive

I was helpless... I was powerless
I was sad... I was alone
I was out on my own

Alcohol and drugs
relieved the pain
thought I was at peace
really quite insane

Homeless... sleeping under bridges
eating from dumpsters...
stealing to stay alive
sometimes wondered
if it'd be easier just to die

a line of coke
and a can of beer
for awhile it made the pain disappear
No will to fight... no end in sight
might as well held a gun to my head
this ain't life... better off dead

Everyday... the same story replayed
but the finale always stayed
story lines and people may have changed
drunk every night... with suicidal thoughts
an end to the nightmare is all I sought

That was the past
the memories though... I hope last
that's right... I don't want to forget
stay in my mind... firmly set
no way I want history to repeat
can't feel comfortable relaxing in a seat
Swallowed Alive
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