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Creating Dreams,
by recognizing the defects...
by recognizing the defects...
| Information A 35 year timeline AA chip timeline Editors Choice Award Recovery Hero Award USA Poetry Ambassador Award Upcoming Events A Cherokee Named Messenger |
A secret little victim... part of our character... lurking... waiting... to come out and play. Part of us that can even
justify it when it happens. It is actually quite nasty and can push friends and lovers away... yet we feel justified.
We say we're not angry, we are justified. The truth is we are being very aggressive... maybe passive but still very
aggressive...
justify it when it happens. It is actually quite nasty and can push friends and lovers away... yet we feel justified.
We say we're not angry, we are justified. The truth is we are being very aggressive... maybe passive but still very
aggressive...
| Certified NLP Master Practitioner |
In my January newsletter I made mention of the fact that after doing an inventory that I still have some glaring
character defects. The main one is being passive aggressive. I honestly never noticed it. One simple event turned
into a very uncomfortable situation for me and a good friend. It was at this time that it was pointed out to me that I
was being very passive aggressive.
I didn't argue the fact. When things are pointed out to me like that, I realize that it is given with love. Yes... love. If
people didn't point these things out to me then their friendship doesn't mean much and it is more a friendship of
convenience then one of deep understanding.
That is one thing I am grateful for with my sobriety. I don't get defensive when things are pointed out to me. I don't
need to attack or get the last word in. The truth is when someone points something out to me, I have the ability to
look at it honestly and start the process of moving forward.
Anyway after this was pointed out, I realized how much I do use this “weapon” and how easy it is to use. It is a defect
that does take a lot of energy not to use. The obvious abuses of being passive aggressive are easy to see and
while not easy to stop or change, at least it is recognizable.
Yet, the recognizable is not really where the problem grows. It starts with things that don't seem to aggressive, yet
they do expect results and when the results don't happen... then the behavior starts to spin out of control.
A simple example is doing a favor for someone. Let's say I watch someone's child for a couple of hours. I don't
expect any payment for it because this is what friends do... right? So the parent comes and picks up their child and
leaves.
While, I didn't expect any payment... I did expect at least to be offered some money. At the very least I should have
gotten a “Thank You.” I got nothing!!!
If I honestly didn't expect any money why did I get upset when no money was offered? If we are friends isn't “thank
you” said without words... while it would have been nice to hear... why did I expect it?
As soon as I expect something as simple as a thank you then I am setting myself up for passive aggressive
behavior. I will become a martyr and tell others the work I did and how I didn't expect money yet I wasn't even
offered any. And for sure, I will mention that I didn't even receive a thank you.
It is these simple things that I need to change first because if I can change my behaviors when I don't receive a
thank you, the rest will fall into place easily.
It kind of gives new meaning to the saying, “Accept everything and expect nothing.”
character defects. The main one is being passive aggressive. I honestly never noticed it. One simple event turned
into a very uncomfortable situation for me and a good friend. It was at this time that it was pointed out to me that I
was being very passive aggressive.
I didn't argue the fact. When things are pointed out to me like that, I realize that it is given with love. Yes... love. If
people didn't point these things out to me then their friendship doesn't mean much and it is more a friendship of
convenience then one of deep understanding.
That is one thing I am grateful for with my sobriety. I don't get defensive when things are pointed out to me. I don't
need to attack or get the last word in. The truth is when someone points something out to me, I have the ability to
look at it honestly and start the process of moving forward.
Anyway after this was pointed out, I realized how much I do use this “weapon” and how easy it is to use. It is a defect
that does take a lot of energy not to use. The obvious abuses of being passive aggressive are easy to see and
while not easy to stop or change, at least it is recognizable.
Yet, the recognizable is not really where the problem grows. It starts with things that don't seem to aggressive, yet
they do expect results and when the results don't happen... then the behavior starts to spin out of control.
A simple example is doing a favor for someone. Let's say I watch someone's child for a couple of hours. I don't
expect any payment for it because this is what friends do... right? So the parent comes and picks up their child and
leaves.
While, I didn't expect any payment... I did expect at least to be offered some money. At the very least I should have
gotten a “Thank You.” I got nothing!!!
If I honestly didn't expect any money why did I get upset when no money was offered? If we are friends isn't “thank
you” said without words... while it would have been nice to hear... why did I expect it?
As soon as I expect something as simple as a thank you then I am setting myself up for passive aggressive
behavior. I will become a martyr and tell others the work I did and how I didn't expect money yet I wasn't even
offered any. And for sure, I will mention that I didn't even receive a thank you.
It is these simple things that I need to change first because if I can change my behaviors when I don't receive a
thank you, the rest will fall into place easily.
It kind of gives new meaning to the saying, “Accept everything and expect nothing.”
